WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:01.260 --> 00:00:05.820 Hi, Casey, here with another edition of how I edit, where I talk through 00:00:05.850 --> 00:00:09.780 the revising process to give you some insight into how copywriters 00:00:10.200 --> 00:00:12.840 try and make a piece of copy better. 00:00:13.740 --> 00:00:17.550 Today I have a blog about residential mold testing in a beat mint turned 00:00:17.550 --> 00:00:18.780 in by a different copywriter. 00:00:21.150 --> 00:00:25.560 I'm going to be focusing on trying to make an introduction more interesting. 00:00:25.950 --> 00:00:27.390 The introduction presented here. 00:00:27.390 --> 00:00:28.080 Well, first off. 00:00:28.650 --> 00:00:30.000 She never used the word intro. 00:00:30.360 --> 00:00:30.840 Okay. 00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:32.009 That's very basic. 00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:35.070 We should all know that the first paragraph is the introduction. 00:00:35.070 --> 00:00:36.270 We don't need to call it out with a word. 00:00:36.990 --> 00:00:40.770 And they have put in quotation marks, which I'm not quite sure. 00:00:41.190 --> 00:00:42.540 Why they did that. 00:00:42.570 --> 00:00:47.010 I suspect there might be some copying and pasting going on, which is not okay. 00:00:48.870 --> 00:00:53.100 Let's just say though, it wasn't copy and pasted or, or anything that 00:00:53.160 --> 00:00:54.720 this is the actual introduction. 00:00:55.260 --> 00:00:57.300 To finding mold as a fungus. 00:00:59.070 --> 00:01:00.180 That's not really. 00:01:00.870 --> 00:01:01.950 Where we want to start. 00:01:02.190 --> 00:01:03.510 We don't want to define mold. 00:01:03.780 --> 00:01:08.100 If someone is here reading about mold and testing, they probably already 00:01:08.100 --> 00:01:13.230 have an idea of what mold is and potentially how it gets into places. 00:01:13.350 --> 00:01:15.300 We don't want to insult our reader's intelligence. 00:01:18.150 --> 00:01:22.080 At this point, most people know that mold growth can cause health problems. 00:01:22.080 --> 00:01:24.870 So we don't really want to start with this paragraph either. 00:01:26.160 --> 00:01:27.300 We need something. 00:01:28.050 --> 00:01:30.120 That is going to be impactful yet. 00:01:30.150 --> 00:01:30.960 Interesting. 00:01:31.260 --> 00:01:32.850 Hooks our reader to keep reading. 00:01:33.300 --> 00:01:35.340 Into the next paragraph. 00:01:36.630 --> 00:01:38.460 As I was reading this particular blog. 00:01:39.390 --> 00:01:40.980 As I go down. 00:01:41.430 --> 00:01:43.080 I came across. 00:01:43.500 --> 00:01:44.640 This paragraph. 00:01:45.030 --> 00:01:48.840 Mold is silent and sneaky, growing and spreading under your floors 00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:50.700 in your basement and behind walls. 00:01:51.390 --> 00:01:56.370 I really liked this silent in sneaky, growing and spreading under your floors. 00:01:56.760 --> 00:02:00.810 It gives you this visual of something insidious. 00:02:01.410 --> 00:02:03.870 That has taken over your home. 00:02:04.800 --> 00:02:09.270 It reflects kind of what mold is, which is something you don't want in your property. 00:02:09.479 --> 00:02:11.460 Something that can cause damage yet. 00:02:11.460 --> 00:02:15.000 It's phrased in such an interesting way. 00:02:15.390 --> 00:02:16.770 That I really liked it. 00:02:17.430 --> 00:02:20.370 Then the second sentence is knowing the signs in environments that 00:02:20.370 --> 00:02:22.080 Harbor mold growth is important. 00:02:22.500 --> 00:02:24.150 That is a true statement. 00:02:24.210 --> 00:02:29.340 That's a great transition into what this blog is going to be about. 00:02:29.700 --> 00:02:32.640 Especially since we're talking about residential mold testing. 00:02:33.660 --> 00:02:36.960 Again, here continues with when determining whether or not you need 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:38.400 to have your home tested for mold. 00:02:39.090 --> 00:02:43.380 This actually would be a good introduction to this article. 00:02:43.830 --> 00:02:44.700 You have this. 00:02:45.090 --> 00:02:45.990 Impactful. 00:02:46.020 --> 00:02:47.730 Very first sentence that. 00:02:48.510 --> 00:02:52.080 Kind of gives you a visual and then the very next sentence transitions. 00:02:52.470 --> 00:02:55.560 And begins to give the reader a sense of what this is going to be about. 00:02:55.920 --> 00:02:57.660 I like that it is short and simple. 00:02:58.050 --> 00:03:00.120 Most people like short and simple nowadays. 00:03:00.660 --> 00:03:03.180 So to me, this actually. 00:03:03.990 --> 00:03:06.480 Is a good introduction for this whole article. 00:03:06.870 --> 00:03:09.840 I'm going to cut and paste this and put it back at the intro.